Carmen

I haven't posted in forever... I have been in a funk, but today I am begging you to pray for my sweet cousin Carmen Preston. Carmen is a 9 year survivor of a double lung transplant as a result of being born with Cystic Fibrosis. Carmen has done remarkably well, up to now. Today, she is in a fight for her life. Actually, she has been in battle for about 6 days now. Carmen had been feeling bad for a couple weeks, so she went to Houston to see her specialists and they determined pneumonia in both lungs and then discovered that she is in acute rejection. Carmen is also having acute renal failure and is battling a major infection that they do not know the source of. Carmen is on life support and is on continuous dialysis for her kidneys. She hit a plateau and there were a couple of days that the MD's felt like they were doing all they could do and Carmen's "ultimate healing" would be in Heaven and not here on Earth. Carmen has experienced near death experiences and her family have seen "God whispers" during this crisis, as well as pre-transplant. Carmen and her sister, Madolyn and parents, Debbie and Kerry are believers and Carmen is very blessed. Today's report was not very positive, but I just got a text that Carmen responded to her father's voice and was trying to mouth the words of her beloved child - her faithful dog named "Volt" - named after John Travolta! Anyway - this is HUGE and I am asking everyone to pray for Carmen and her family. Pray for peace that surpasses all understanding, and for total healing - even if that means Heaven for our precious girl. Carmen is a fighter, but I know that unless she can come home completely herself, then she would be content to reside in God's kingdom. Faith in Christ is what is sustaining this girl and her family, and while we all want her to come back to us, we also respect God's plan and His will for our girl. Please pray that Carmen rests and for strength for her parents and sister. While their faith is steadfast, their bodies must be growing weary... Thanks and God Bless in advance...

Friends, must have make-up and SOA

It's late, so I will make this quick... Had a wonderful evening with great friends, cool beverages, and amazing food... It was really my first outing in almost 6 weeks since my neck surgery. My neck is doing well... My already jacked up lower back showed evidence of undesired change. I will have another MRI with contrast. At this time, I am will be able to return to work August 1. Anyway, I did full make-up before the evenings festivities... While largely and exclusively I wear Bare Escentuals - I did recently purchase Too Faced tinted Primed and Poreless. It looked too dark going on, but was easily remedied by the BE minerals. It's good stuff! I also use T00 Faced eye shadow primer and it's great! Another new discovery was BE's Well Rested for the eye area - like it, too... But my favorite new things are the Benefit High Beam highlighter for cheeks and the famed Nars Orgasm Blush. I know, crazy name - but it is great! I mixed a charcoal BE eye shadow with a bright gold one and the look was cool for evening... Thanks to Kelli Camfield for teaching me that combo! Love it! Self portraits didn't work so well - so no photos... I KNOW I have to step up the photos and fun on this blog very soon! Honestly, I haven't really figured it all out! Anyway - as for the makeup - if you only splurge on one thing - make it the High Beam! It adds so much depth! The blush is great, but they do make several cheaper brands that are pretty close - one of which is The Balm in Hot Mama. Now - with that all said - I'm going to wind down with an episode of Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. I know it's gritty and has explicit content - but I have watched all 3 previous seasons and can't wait for Season 4! Don't judge me! Blessings...

PS - I had to miss a small gathering of my 25th Reunion Classmates that met up on the Riverwalk in San Antonio - and I am sad about that - but I just don't think I am ready for a road trip. I also think my employers might frown on me having so much fun while on medical leave. But to my credit - I would already be back to work if they would let me - but I cannot go back with a weight-lifting restriction... It was a stretch to get my surgeon to agree to August 1...

Marriage

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside

the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

P.S. This was sent to me from a friend and I do not know the people in this story, but I feel like it's worthy of sharing...

Ramblings on a Saturday

Just checking to see if this POS is going to let me post my blog? Good news came in the mail today, I do not owe ANY of my 32,000.00 neck surgery! Yay for me... Yesterday, bad news came via text from my direct boss - I can only return to work when I am free of restrictions and for now I have a 20lb lifting restriction... Saw the CEO of the hospital at dinner and made sure he knows I am planning to encourage my doc to FULLY release me. He said, "Tell him". I find out Thursday... If it's not safe for me to go back, I will have to take a LOA when my sick leave and vacation run out. I don't want to do that, but I so have short term disability with AFLAC. Ultimately - I will protect my neck, but I don't like the sound of LOA. It just occurred to me that I have written a whole bunch and if it fails to post, I am going to be plenty pissed...

javascript void can KMA

I have lost brain cells, sleep, and money trying to fix the javascript error that would not let me blog the last week or two. I have downloaded "fixes" and used different OS and it finally works after I uncheck the stay signed on option. WTH? SMH! OMG - this javascript void error has ruled and ruined my life and stolen valuable hours of sleep and dollars... I am so pissed... You can't imagine all the steps I took and stuff I had to read...

I got nothing - so I'm copying a lame ass note from facebook

So Kirk was going through my finances and asked me what a $180.00 charge in Brackettville was for. Me: my storage room. Him (with a shocked look): You still have that? Me: Yup - this month makes 11 years, I really need my stuff from there. Him: I bet it's all rotted. Me: No I spent a sh-boatload of money on storage totes and besides, Jennifer has been in there. Him: Who's Jennifer? Me: the lady that works there Him: shakes his head and walks away... Pretty sure he mentioned he hoped I didin't bring all that sh-stuff here! To which I called out as he closed my door: That stuff is important. Pictures, yearbooks, 5 err maybe 10 totes of shoes that will surely come back around, my trunk that a BFF knows to destroy if I die, my Croscill Bed and Bath stuff that's like brand new, the King Size bed that was researched for a month before an actual purchuse... My Stuff man! And no - it's not $180/mo - I just usually forget to pay until Jennifer sends me a reminder note! I cringe at the money wasted, but DUDE - it's MY STUFF! 32 years worth - all the important stuff PRE-LOGAN! I was gonna scan (aka take a picture of a picture) - of said STUFF but I can't because they all have people in them that would just create way too much drama and scandal! But looking through the pics reminded me of the most treasured pre-baby collection: My Rocking Horse's that I almost forgot I used to collect and all my wall art... WOW - I really want my SH-Tuff!!!

So Kirk is my brother that is way smarter at math than me, thus he balances my bank account. He also cooks like a bazillian times better than me... No kidding - he has a BBQ joint and catering business, but he cooks non-BBQ things, too. He's also a competition cook and he and my son love traveling to cook-offs. Me - not as much, but sometimes! I should also state he is an amazing uncle - affectionately called "Unk"...

Logan - well he's my 10 - closer to 11 year old reason for living... My life... My charming and precious boy... Ar least to me and most! He's full of life and if a song comes on - any song from any source - he's sure to bust a move! He's a Pee-wee football sack master and is becoming a pretty good baseball player - which would be why there were at least 3 occasions I spent about $400.00 at Academy. Crazy ridiculous! Not all baseball - lots of Under Armour that he wears daily and lots of shoes since he wears a MENS size 9.5. Really crazy!

Recovery is going pretty well - my incision is officially and ugly scar - but I can already say the surgery was a success, Friday was Day 11. I had a reaction to the skin glue and to the adhesives of all the different tapes used for bandages. Weird that I am allergic, yet at work I handle the same tape - a lot! I was supposed to be off 4 weeks, but the follow-up appointment is slightly less than 6 weeks. Probably for the best. I have full range of motion and my voice has pretty much returned to normal from the post-op hoarseness.

I realize I gotta step this blog up! It needs pics and more frequent posts and I need to get better at commenting on blogs. I recently starting Google Reader. Can you believe I used to go to each individual blog that was saved to my favorites? Crazy! But I don't know how to comment from Reader.

Shout out to GOGE - I will try to comment again very soon. Blessings my friends! I definitely pray for everyone!

P.S. Yes I love with my brother in my childhood home. My Mom and my son and I crashed his remodeled bachelor pad when Mom's home was destroyed by stachybotrys and at the same time as my ex and I sort of split because I wanted more for my son and I.

Blogger comments

I am still not able to post comments on certain blogs. I keep being asked to sign in, then I do and it repeats or posts the comment from anonymous and not from me... Grrr...